Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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