The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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