just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
