I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
