omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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