i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
