so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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