I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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