she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
