my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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