We're facebook friends in real life
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found puke in my bra..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
