I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
