come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
