I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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