i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
