Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize