On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
