bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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