well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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