Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
