Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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