I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
