So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
