We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
