is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
