I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
