Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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