I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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