The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
