Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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