Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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