I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
