Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
