Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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