sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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