these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
