dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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