At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What drink are we having for lunch?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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