You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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