I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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