$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
