My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
