woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
