Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
