did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
