I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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