I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
