well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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