singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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