White coat. Heels.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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