1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
