I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
