where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
