I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
