Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
operation harelip BJ is a go
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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