Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize