Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize