How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
