Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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