I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
